


Family

by Toboe2020



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/M, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:47:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 21,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27065119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toboe2020/pseuds/Toboe2020
Summary: On a normal day at Anteiku, Koma Enji meets a woman with two children. As time passes, he will find himself interact with them more than he had first anticipated and is slowly pulled into their little family. Will he finally be able to know what it's like to be part of a family and maybe become a little more human?(Rated M for future chapters)
Relationships: Koma Enji/Reader
Comments: 38
Kudos: 14





	1. First meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone! It's another Koma Enji fanfic and completely unrelated to my other work (if you haven't read it yet, feel free to check it out). The original character is named Mairenn Hughes (May or May-May for short) and is 100% human. I also used her in my other fanfic, but never mentioned her name. Lazy as I am, I wanted to use the same character in a different setting, with a different job and also give her a name this time.  
> The children aren't hers by blood, but just in her care (don't ask me how and why, since I haven't figured that one out yet, but let's find that out together).  
> Anyway, enjoy the read. Just like my other fanfic, I will try to update on a regular basis.

Satisfied, he looked around the café. Everything was in order. All set to open up. Today was going to be a good day, he could feel it. For a while now, everything was peaceful in the 20th ward. Even the Doves kept quiet, for now. Whether it was a silence before the storm or it just had to do with the coming of spring, he didn’t know. Whatever the reason, right now, he intended to enjoy it the fullest.

As the day passed, it remained a good day. Regulars came and went, mostly ghouls, though a few humans dropped in the café now and then. He served them like any costumer, carefully preparing food him and the other ghouls would never be able to enjoy. Part of him wondered, just like most ghouls, how human food tasted. By the looks of it, most food was enjoyed by many, food that always made him want to throw up the moment he even tasted it. Such was the way, but it always left him to wonder. It was a curiosity that would always remain unsatisfied.

The doorbell jingled, resounding through the café as he greeted the costumers upon entering. He in return was greeted by two children and a woman, all three happily greeting him. He watched them, as they decided on a place to sit. The oldest of the two seemed to be in charge, claiming a seat close to the window. The youngest clung to the woman’s skirt with his free hand, with the other he held a stuffed bunny tightly in his arm, shyly stealing glances around the café. The moment the woman sat down, the youngest climbed on her lap.

‘What can I get you?’ he asked, after waiting for the right moment to ask for their order.

‘Hot coco!’ The oldest child threw her arms happily in the air, wide smile on her face. Her large brown eyes looked right at him. ‘With cream!’

He nodded, writing down her order, before turning his attention to the other two.

‘The same for us too, please.’ The woman smiled at him when she spoke. Her voice surprisingly rough and sultry, with a slight accent. So unlike the other women he saw on a daily basis. Then again, with her flaming red curls and green eyes she was likely to stand out from any crowd.

‘Coming right up.’ He set to work, carefully preparing the hot chocolate they had asked for. It wasn’t his strong suit, like coffee, but he took pride in his work and he meant to give them a good serving. With cream, of course.

As he prepared the hot chocolate, he noticed that the girl was making her way to the counter. She had a slight skip in her step, making her pigtail on the right side of her head bounce a bit. It didn’t take long before she had climbed up on a seat and leaned over the counter. Her large brown eyes took in every movement he made.

‘Are you gonna put marshmallows in them?’ she asked, eyes darting to his face.

‘I’m afraid this man doesn’t have any marshmallows, little miss,’ he replied. Right away, disappointment flashed across her face. She shook her head disapprovingly.

‘Onee-chan always puts marshmallows in our hot coco,’ she protested.

‘Naru!. She was called back, the voice of the woman hadn’t been raised a bit, yet the girl obliged right away. He watched her take her seat, slightly pouting. Obviously not pleased by both his answer and the fact that she had been put back in her place.

Shaking his head in slight amusement, he brought them their hot chocolate. She thanked him. He nodded at her, before turning his attention to the pouting girl. Bending his knees a bit, he got to her eyelevel. ‘Hey little miss, next time, this man will have marshmallows ready.’

Right away the girl’s face lit up. ‘You promise?!’ He nodded. She held up her pinky. ‘Pinky promise?’

Chuckling, he hooked his pinky with hers. ‘Pinky promise.’

‘You don’t have to go through that much trouble. They’re just marshmallows.’

‘It’s nothing, miss,’ He shrugged, watching the girl spoon up the cream before drinking the hot chocolate. The youngest, a boy, did the same. Only the hot chocolate of the woman remained untouched. ‘Seems important to her.’

‘She’s a sweet tooth.’ She smiled absentmindedly, her eyes looking far away. For a split second he wondered whether those words were meant for the girl or for herself. He guessed that he’d never know, as he never meant to ask.

As he went on with his shift, he unconsciously kept glancing at the three at the table. They were on odd pair. Definitely not related, for they looked nothing alike. The girl had wood brown hair, pigtail at the right side. Her brown eyes big. Wide smile on her face. Her skin slightly tanned.

The shy boy’s hair was black. Gray eyes that were now focused on the cup in his pale hands. Face serious as he drank. A slight white cream moustache on his upper lip. The stuffed bunny lying next to him on the table, momentarily forgotten.

The woman, with her flaming red curls and green eyes, was bound to catch a lot of attention, no matter where she went. Her manner with the children was gentle. Listening calmly to the girl’s chatter with a patience that he had only witnessed with Ryoko-san.

So different, definitely not blood related, yet they appeared more like a family to him than most families he saw on the streets. He almost found it a shame when they left. Almost.


	2. Marshmallows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marshmallows and hot coco.

He didn’t think that he’d see them again, yet he bought the mini marshmallows, just in case. Irimi called him an idiot for intending to keep a promise, as the child in question would probably forget all about it. He argued with her about this, asking the manager for his opinion, who kept his answer vague. Still, he kept the marshmallows close at hand, just in case. After all, a promise is a promise. And both as the Devil Ape and as the man Koma Enji, he meant to keep his promise.

Days went by without the girl dropping by. As time passed, he wondered whether he had done the right thing to keep his end of the promise. Maybe Irimi had been right. The girl Naru was probably roughly six or seven years old, functioning mostly on impulse. He doubted that she’d remember a promise made with a waiter who she didn’t know. So he was surprised when she did walk in, greeting him in a loud, cheerful manner, as if he was a friend instead of a stranger. Bigger was his surprise when she came in alone.

‘Where’s your sister, little miss?’ he asked, as the girl climbed on a seat at the counter and dumped her bag on the floor. Her feet dangled when she sat.

‘Picking up Hiro.’ She shifted on her seat, brown eyes staring at him with anticipation. Chuckling, he showed her the mini marshmallows that he had bought a while back, earning a loud, pleased exclamation from her. ‘Want some hot coco?’

The girl nodded happily, at which he started to prepare her a cup right away, but not before smirking at Irimi, silently telling her that it had been right of him to keep his promise to the girl. His colleague, and rival, merely raised an eyebrow and shook her head. Normally he’d bicker with her, but alas, he had more pressing matters to attend. In no time at all, he had a cup ready for the girl, putting the marshmallows on the cream, while she counted them out loud. With every marshmallow he added, her smile widened. At ten she gasped, squealing in delight, even though he put the rest away.

‘So many!’ she exclaimed, throwing both arms happily in the air, bouncing slightly up and down on her chair when she did. ‘Ten! I have ten marshmallows!’ 

‘How many does your sister give you, little miss?’ he asked, unable to keep the smile from his face. The girl’s enthusiasm was contagious. At his question, she stopped bouncing up and down, holding up one hand.

‘Five,’ she announced. ‘Always five.’

Five marshmallows. No wonder that the girl got so excited with the ten she got from him. He wondered what her sister would do if she’d find out. Which she probably would, for Naru didn’t seem the type to keep her mouth shut about anything. He was proven right a moment later, when her sister walked in with the shy boy clinging at her skirt and Naru happily telling her how many marshmallows she got from him.

At first, he thought that she’d scold him for giving her younger sister so many. She didn’t. Instead she sat down next to Naru, Hiro on her lap, ordering the same as the little girl. He happily obliged, given them both ten marshmallows as well. Though the boy didn’t say a word, his gray eyes lit up at the sight of the amount of marshmallows on his cream. Children truly were easy to please.

‘I didn’t think you’d keep the promise,’ she softly said, sipping from her drink, green eyes locking on his own brown ones.

‘A promise is a promise.’ At his reply, a smile tugged at her lips, one reaching her eyes. He found he couldn’t look away. For a split second, he could almost drown in her eyes. Almost.


	3. Zaru-nii and a paper aiplane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koma got a new nickname, has some trouble involving a paper airplane and finally learns onee-chan's name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought the nickname was befitting of Koma (considering his ghoul alias, his mask and all) and that it's something a little kid would call him, though he doesn't seem to like it much * chuckles*.

Naru seemed to make a habit of dropping by after school. Doodling and chattering about, until she was picked up by her sister. To his displeasure, and amusement of Irimi and his other colleagues, the little girl had given him the nickname “Zaru-nii”. When he asked the girl in question as to why she called him that, she simply replied because he was funny looking, just like an ape. It was simple, childish logic, befitting her age and held no malice, so he let her be. At least she added the “nii” part, which he found endearing. He didn’t have any family, unless he counted his colleagues at Anteiku and his friends from his old gang, and having a little girl thinking him as part of her family was sweet. Even though he did find her annoying at times, like right now.

She had made a paper airplane from bright colored paper with which she now ran about the café, laughing in delight as he chased her, in the hopes of getting her to sit still. Touka-chan was of no help, claiming that it was none of her business and ignored them at the best of her abilities. Luckily, there were hardly any costumers and the ones who were, were regulars, who seemed to enjoy themselves at his expense.

Naru kept dodging his failed attempts to capture her, bolting between his legs whenever the opportunity presented itself, cooing in delight. He made another grab at her legs, missing her by a hair’s breath. Cursing beneath his breath, he turned to chase after her again, only to bump into someone. Apologizing, he realized it was her older sister.

‘Is she causing you trouble?’ she asked. Her eyes went from him to Naru, who was hiding beneath the table at his right. He could smell her. A part of him wanted to confirm her words, that Naru was indeed causing him trouble. Yet he found that he couldn’t, for no matter how annoying the girl was at the moment, he did enjoy playing with her. It gave him a feeling that he was normal, that he was a human and not a human eating monster. That he liked that someone was genuinely happy to see him, as Naru always greeted him cheerfully, waving her arms and skipping towards him, calling him by that hideous nickname unbefitting for some like him.

So he shook his head. In the corner of his eye, he noticed Naru crawl from under the table, paper airplane still in her hand. She darted to his side, grabbing his sleeve. ‘Do I have to go?’

Her sister nodded. She bend through her knees, coming on eyelevel with the girl. ‘We do. I still need to make dinner and I think you’ve been keeping him from his work long enough. Now, go get your things. You can see him another time.’

Naru looked up at him. Her large brown eyes begged him to argue with her sister. He didn’t. Instead he ruffled her through her hair, telling her that he’d play with her another time. His words brought a little smile on her face, yet she still seemed reluctant to go.

‘But I haven’t tried my plane yet,’ she complained.

‘You can try your plane at home.’

‘But Zaru-nii isn’t there to watch it fly.’ She stood a little closer now, pressing herself against his arm, the grip on his sleeve tightening. She almost hid herself behind his arm, as if she meant to make herself invisible for her older sister and by doing so enabled herself to stay. The paper airplane still in her other hand.

Her sister sighed, going with her free hand through her hair, seemingly caught between needing time to prepare dinner and the wish of her younger sister. She glanced at him, as if she hoped that the answer was written on his face. Then her face brightened a bit. ‘How about we try your plane right now in the park. He can watch it fly and then we go home.’

Immediately, Naru’s face brightened. Tugging at his sleeve, she begged him to go along with her sister’s idea. All he heard from her was, ‘please, Zaru-nii, please, please, please!’ How could he say no? He simply couldn’t. Which led him to stand next to her sister in the small park across Anteiku, despite his shift, watching Naru’s attempts to get her paper airplane to fly.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘For what?’

‘For bothering you during your shift. Like, every time.’ She sent him an apologizing smile.

‘Don’t mention it.’ He waved her words away. ‘She makes things lively.’

She laughed at this, joyfully without any restraint, contagious. He found himself laughing with her. ‘Having that said… I never did catch your name. Except for your nickname, though I doubt you want me to call you that.’

He held up his hands. ‘Please, don’t. Having her call me that is enough. Name’s Koma Enji.’

‘Mairenn Hughes. Nice to meet you, Koma-kun.’ Smiling brightly, she held out her hand, which he hesitantly took. Her hand was soft in his, her fingers slender. He was sure that her hands had never hurt a person, had never taken a life. Unlike his own. He felt as if he was dying her in red just by touching her. Quickly, he retreated his hand. Just in time, for Naru exclaimed happily that they needed to look, as her paper airplane had finally taken flight.


	4. Sandcastle and flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no hiding from Naru. Not even on his days off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out to be a bit longer than expected, so you have been warned ;)

The next time he saw them, was surprisingly not during his shift. Having a day off, he strolled around the ward, needing some fresh air and wanting to enjoy the spring weather. Humming to himself, he entered a park nearby. With springtime around, everything was turning green, making his surroundings more pleasing to the eye. Here and there, he found couples walking around, holding hands, and families who were going for a walk. He was one of the few who walked alone. Glancing at a couple, he could only watch them with silent envy. There hadn’t been any women in his life for a long time now, except for his female colleagues and they didn’t count. He had gone on a few dates, all proven fruitless, making him wonder what it was about him as to why he was still single. Maybe…

‘Zaru-nii!’ His thoughts were rudely interrupted by Naru, who called out to him, waving enthusiastic, as she ran towards him. Before he could react, she had wrapped her arms around him. Looking up at him with a bright smile, she asked if he wanted to play. Unable to say no, he let himself get dragged around by the hand.

He wondered how he looked to people right now. A grown man being led by the hand of a little girl. What if one of his colleagues saw him like this? Or any other acquaintances? They would all have a good laugh about it no doubt. The great, fearsome Devil Ape being dragged around by a little human girl. Oh, the shame. Then again, the way she beamed at him and kept happily chattering about nothing in particular, made up for his slightly damaged pride. Even he could tell that she was genuinely happy to see him. That was something and it made him feel a bit better about himself as well. Both as a person and as a ghoul.

‘Onee-chan!’ Naru called out, waving with her free hand. ‘Look, it’s Zaru-nii!’

The said woman turned to face her little sister, her smile slightly wavering when she saw him. ‘They said you have a day off.’

‘I do.’

‘Then why are you…?’

He gestured to Naru, who still held his hand. ‘She saw me and asked me to play.’

Mairenn frowned, a sigh escaping her. ‘Naru, stop bothering him. He can’t always play with you.’

‘But Zaru-nii said he wanted to.’

‘It’s fine, really,’ he said quickly. ‘It wasn’t like I was doing anything in particular.’

‘You’re sure?’ She sounded hesitant, as if she doubted his words. He nodded. Another sigh escaped her lips, as she shook her head. ‘If it’s fine with you…’

So he ended up playing with Naru on his day off. The little girl wanted to build a sandcastle. A large one. He tried to help at the best of his abilities, yet he’d never build a sandcastle in his entire life. Maybe as a child, but he had very few memories of that time and the ones that he had weren’t exactly happy. Naru didn’t seem to mind though. With every failed attempt, she only cooed with delight, laughing like there was no tomorrow. Eventually Mairenn decided to join them, Hiro hiding behind her, stealing glances from a safe distance.

Mairenn was good at making sandcastles. In no time at all, they had built a decent one and Naru set out to find some decorations for their castle on the playground, Hiro darting behind her at a close distance, stuffed bunny tightly in his arms.

‘She’s real fond of you, Koma-kun.’ Mairenn’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

‘She is?’

‘Yes. All we hear is “Zaru-nii this and that” and the question when we’re going to visit you again.’ She smiled at him, her green eyes locking with his own, before turning her attention back on the two children. ‘And normally she’s picky about people too.’

‘She is?’ He couldn’t imagine that this little, lively girl had problems bonding with people. He always figured that she approached everyone, like she did with him. Apparently he was wrong. Next to him, Mairenn nodded.

‘More like Hiro. He’s picky too. But he likes you as well.’ At this he chuckled.

‘I doubt that. He never approaches me.’

‘But he doesn’t hide completely behind me either. And he wouldn’t play around you, if he didn’t like you.’ She pointed at Hiro, who came back to them, Naru at his side. Both with flowers at hand. Hiro glanced at him, holding up a single yellow flower. When he commented that the flower was pretty, Hiro looked away shyly, hiding a little bit behind his older sister. ‘See?’

Naru, on the other hand, dumped the flowers on his lap. ‘Look how pretty!’ On impulse, she climbed on his lap, almost ruining the flowers. Quickly he lifted her up, grabbing the flowers with his free hand, before putting her down. She laughed at this, nuzzling closer, as he handed the flowers back to her. ‘Can we bring them home?’

‘Of course,’ Mairenn replied. In the main time, Hiro had climbed on her lap. The little boy tried to put his flower in her hair, yet it kept falling from her floppy braid. He pouted, as he kept failing, soft protests coming from his mouth.

‘Let me help, kiddo.’ He leaned forward, holding out his hand. Hiro hesitated at first, but eventually gave him his yellow flower, eyes filled with anticipation. ‘May I, Hughes-san?’ he asked, winking at her. A giggle came from her when she gave him permission. As he put the flower in her hair, he could feel the eyes of both children on him. To his delight, the flower remained in her braid. On her lap, Hiro smiled happily.

‘Mine too! Mine too!’ Naru chimed, holding up her flowers. Seeing no other option, he put the other flowers in Mairenn’s hair as well. After a few minutes, her braid was decorated with a few bright colored flowers. For some reason, it suited her. Truth to be told, he was pleased with the end result. And to his joy, the children were too.

‘Well?’ she asked, glancing at the three of them.

‘Onee-chan is pretty,’ Hiro muttered softly, eyes on the flowers in her hair.

‘Pretty! Zaru-nii, take a picture! Take a picture!’ Naru exclaimed.

Seeing no way out, he took a picture of Mairenn, who smiled at the camera, slightly embarrassed with a faint blush on her cheeks. Yet her smile reached her green eyes, making her face light up. She looked indeed pretty and not just because of the flowers in her hair. Showing the picture to them, the children wanted to go on a picture and after showing that picture, Naru wanted to have a picture of him as well. As a result, they took a bunch of them, even a few with the four of them on it. Mairenn gave him her number, so he could sent the pictures to her.

When he asked her, half joking, whether he could contact her outside of sending the pictures, he expected her to decline. Yet to his surprise, and joy, she said that he could. The smile she sent him as she said this, made his heart skip a beat and his stomach all aflutter.


	5. Messages and pictures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a little six year old keeps stealing phones.

Irimi called him an idiot, not that it was anything new, but she found that he got in too deep with those three humans. Spending time with them was risky as it is, giving them his contact info was, according to her, downright stupid. He had no business with them. He should know better.

Despite her words and the knowledge of the possible risks given them his contact info could bring, he actually enjoyed the messages they sent him. Mairenn sent him texts and pictures on a regular basis, no doubt encouraged by Naru, who seemed to have a habit of stealing her older sister’s phone to take pictures and sent them to him. Most pictures were of the three of them, even a few of Mairenn alone. Those pictures were no doubt taken by Naru, considering the funny, childish texts that followed.

Yet Mairenn also sent him normal texts, inquiring as to how he was doing when they weren’t visiting or talk about trivial stuff. He did the same to her, trying to add some pictures here and there that she might like, though the amount was far less than her own. Then again, he didn’t have Naru at his side, who kept taking pictures of about, well, everything. The said little girl sat now across of him, taking a picture while he cleaned the cups, giggling as she sent them to her sister.

He didn’t even try to stop her. The simple things with which Naru could entertain herself was amusing and a joy to watch. There was no evil bone in her body. To him, she was as innocent as any person could be. She held no opinion about ghouls. To her, his kind were just something adults mentioned in hushed voices, her mind unable to comprehend what was really said and meant. She might have even played with a few ghoul children without her knowledge. She might even have realized that some children were different than her, yet never seemed to mind or care. As long as she had a playmate, she seemed content.

Then again, Mairenn had mentioned that Naru was picky about the people she played with, though she never went into detail. It always made him wonder whether there was a reason for it or whether it was just Naru’s nature. The latter seemed unlikely, for Naru seemed to have no problem with him from the start, which still stroke him as odd. Children rarely opened up to him, except for this ball of energy, who had taken another picture of him, giggling when she did, completely of in her own world.

Amused, he shook his head. He meant to ask Mairenn about it, but didn’t mean to pry. If she wanted him to know, she’d tell him, he figured. Just like the reason as to why her small family was one big mix of non-blood-relatives, with her as the oldest sister and, sometimes, mother. Things he wanted to know, but didn’t dare to ask. For when he asked, she was sure to have questions for him herself and he was terrified as to what they were. He doubted that he could answer them honestly, if he could answer them at all and that wouldn’t be fair to her.

Mairenn… Just the thought of her made him happy. The texts that he got from her were something that he looked forward to every day. Whenever he saw her, his heart leaped with joy, making him wish that they could have some time alone, without Naru and Hiro for once. He wanted to get to know her better, wanted to see where this would lead. But on the other hand, he was terrified. Terrified of what she’d do when she got to know him better, as both a person and as a ghoul and the crimes he had committed in his past. He had already been rejected for either side, by both sides, multiple times and he sure as hell didn’t want to be put through that again. There was only so much rejection a man could take.

So he decided to remain passive. Occasionally flirting with her, though making sure that he never went too far. More acting like a friend than someone who might have an interest in her. If only their worlds weren’t apart. If only he hadn’t committed his crimes, then he might have acted on his feelings. Then he might have asked her out for once, might have tried to steal a kiss or two.

The bell jingled. Putting his phone on the counter, Naru jumped off her seat, greeting her sister in her own enthusiastic way. Mairenn lifted the girl up, holding her in a warm embrace, greeting her back with a mixture of a smile and a grin on her face. Putting Naru down, their eyes met. She sent him a warm, bright smile, one that made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He felt his cheeks burn, as he sent her a smile of his own. She averted her eyes, cheeks faintly red. God, how he hoped for that split moment that she felt the same way about him.

All too soon she left, but not after Naru gave him a tight hug, exclaiming that they needed to play soon again. When they were gone, a silence fell around him. For some reason, even Anteiku seemed less bright. The café felt empty even.

Seeing as there was no one else around, he grabbed his phone, wanting to know what kind of pictures Naru had taken from him and sent to her sister. He found them soon enough, together with the texts. He wondered whether he was prying if he’d read the texts. On the other hand, it was his phone. Reading them was no crime, right? Right?


	6. Wandering thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the interest in the other slowly starts to grow.

At first, she hadn’t paid much attention to him, her energy directed to Naru and Hiro. Yet after meeting him a few times in the café, after talking to him and seeing how great he was with Naru, she couldn’t help but feel her attention being drawn to him more often. He was kind, playful, confident and despite his bragging, he never came off as arrogant. He bickered about trivial things with one of his colleagues and fixed coffee for the younger ones when they did. Yet sometimes, despite his interactions with everyone around him, he appeared lonely. As if something weighted him down. But whenever she meant to ask, whenever their eyes met, the loneliness disappeared from his eyes, making her wonder time and time again whether she had imagined it. Even so, it wasn’t her place to pry.

She never had intended to give him her number. Yet through circumstances, his number had appeared in her phone. As it turned out, it was also the most used number, as Naru kept sending him texts and pictures on nearly a daily basis. At first, she had wanted to put a stop to it, or at least telling Naru that she shouldn’t contact him so often. But as it turned out, she hadn’t been able to. As it turned out, she felt that she wanted to talk to him of her own accord. She wanted to get to know him better. She started to wish that they could meet up without the children around, but with her work and the circumstances at home, she wasn’t able to. And so it was something that she could only fantasize about.

When she saw him that afternoon, as she picked up Naru and their eyes met, she felt herself shy beneath his gaze. Especially when he smiled back at her. She could only hope that he hadn’t noticed how her cheeks burned and how quickly she had averted her gaze. It was almost a shame to leave. Had it not been for Naru, she would have stayed a bit longer, talked to him some more and maybe, just maybe asked him out.

She glanced out the window. It was already dark out, nearly twelve o’clock. She had seen all the pictures Naru had sent her of him. Pictures that she would have erased earlier but now found herself unable to do so. Already she had skipped through them more than once. She read the texts that she had sent to Naru. Texts he was surely to read.

She wondered if it was all right to send him a text right now, whether it was not too late. Surely he was tired after his shift. Especially when Naru had been around most of the time. Surely he wanted some time for himself, without having her texting him, as a reminder of the little ball of energy that he had around him plenty a time.

She sent him one anyway, just to inquire as to how he was doing and to apologize for all the pictures and texts on his phone because of Naru.

Putting the phone aside, she quickly went back to work. Translating the book took longer than she had anticipated, especially with all the interruptions of late. And even when she could work, she found her mind wandering more than once to Koma.

Sighing, she let her head rest on her desk, eyes on her phone, wondering whether he would reply. Biting her lower lip, she waited, unable to find the motivation to continue her work and that with her deadline around the corner. She only had less than a week and there was so much work to be done. Normally, she made her deadline easily, now she wondered whether she would. Then why didn’t she feel stressed? Was it because she prioritizes receiving a text from him over her work?

Her phone buzzed. Quickly she reached out, grabbing the phone to read the message that she had received. It was from him. He said that he hadn’t minded, that it was fine. Just like always. Except, he now added that he liked the pictures that he had received on his phone in return. Pictures of her. Reading this, she felt her face flush, wondering if he kept all the pictures that Naru had sent earlier and the few that she herself had sent to Naru, knowing the girl was playing with Koma’s phone. He had seen them, all of them and read the texts as well.

She sent him a text back that, if he wanted to, he could erase them all. He replied right away, asking her why he’d do that, that he liked the pictures they sent to him. She smiled at his reply, yet felt her heartbeat quicken. It meant that he’d looked at all of them, more than once. Then again, wasn’t she the same? She kept the pictures of him on her phone as well, going through them multiple times. There was nothing wrong with that, right?


	7. Unwanted thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the little bundle of energy isn't visiting and he can't see Mairenn, boredom strikes, but also unwanted thoughts visit.

It was quiet at Anteiku. Truth to be told, he was close to boredom. Even the chores that he normally liked to do and took great pride in doing, couldn’t keep him occupied. Naru hadn’t been around for a few days and he hated to admit it, but he missed the little bundle of energy darting around the café and interrupting with his work. But most of all, without Naru there, it meant that Mairenn had no reason to stop by either. Though he hadn’t seen her, he did speak with her through their texts. Always about trivial things. He didn’t even dare to ask her as to why she hadn’t dropped by for a while. He didn’t want to give her the wrong idea, or to sound pushy, or anything for that matter. So he hadn’t asked for the reason. But he wanted to know, desperately even. Inside his head, he had a million reasons as to why she’d stopped coming around. All of them had to do with him, or some guy he made up. None of the reasons made him feel better, only worse.

The worst scenario was that she had ran into some guy. Some human. Someone far better than he’d ever be. Someone more handsome, funny, considerate, tall, rich and what not. Someone, who didn’t kill humans for food and had hands dyed in blood. Someone, who made her look shyly from beneath her long eyelashes and made her blush, giving her that sweet innocent look. Someone, who’d spent the entire day with just her, ending up smelling her sweet perfume on his clothes when the day was done…

With a groan, he buried his head in his hands. He needed to stop. He truly did. He was only driving himself crazy and for what? There was nothing going on between them. She wasn’t his and never would be. She was human and he a ghoul. If there was even a slight chance that she may be attracted to him, they just weren’t meant to be. Never.

The doorbell jingled. Hopeful he looked up, only to find Uta walk in. His disappointment must have shown on his face, for the other ghoul immediately picked up on it, asking who he had been expecting. But before he could answer, before he could decide whether he even wanted to answer, Irimi beat him to it, telling the mask maker all about Mairenn and the two children.

‘That’s a thin tightrope you’re walking on, Koma-kun.’ Uta took a sip from his coffee. His expression passive, like always, showing no other signs of what he might be thinking. ‘Are they worth it? Is she worth it?’

‘Worth what?’ he asked, though he knew exactly what the other ghoul was indicating.

‘The risk of walking that thin tightrope.’

‘Yes,’ he breathed.

‘You sound so sure, Koma-kun.’

‘Am not. It’s just…’ He sighed, wondering how he could explain what Naru and Hiro meant to him. What Mairenn meant to him. That, with everything he learned about her, his feelings grew, until the line between human and ghoul inside of him blurred and they were just two people. But that, at the same time, he realized the dangers of even being around her like he had. That he didn’t deserve either of them in his life. Especially not her. Not Mairenn. ‘…I wish….’ He shook his head. ‘I don’t deserve none of it. Especially not her.’

‘Why not?’

‘You know why. I’ve committed all those heinous crimes. I’m dyed in blood. I eat her kind just to stay alive. How could she ever…’ He took a deep breath, shook his head, grabbed the mob and started to clean the floor, not feeling like talking any longer. Behind him, he could hear Uta and Irimi talk, but he paid it no mind. In silence, he retreated inside his mind, lost in thoughts.


	8. Invited to play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naru visits him again and invites him to play at their house.

‘Zaru-nii!’ Naru bolted through the door, smiling broadly, arms wide. Wrapping her arms around him, eyes beaming when she looked up at him, she called out to him again. ‘Zaru-nii, did you miss me?!’

He laughed at this, ruffling through her hair. ‘I sure did, little miss.’

‘Wanna play with me?’ At her question, he looked at the clock. His shift ended in a few minutes. He told her this and that he’d be able to play with her then. Throwing her arms in the air, she happily darted around the café. All the while repeating, ‘Yaay! Yaay!’

After his shift, and having changed into his normal clothes, he let her lead the way. She held his hand, chattering about school, about her teacher and all the other things that came to mind. All the while, he listened to her stories, learning more about humans when he did and he couldn’t help but sometimes marvel at the things that she told him. As it turned out, he still had a lot of things to learn about humans. Especially about school, as he had never gone to one and hearing her stories, he wished that he had.

She led him to a part of the 20th ward where most family apartments were, towards one of the buildings, guiding him to the elevator and pressed the button of the fifth floor. He seldom took the elevator and found that he hated the small, crammed space with hardly any way out. Naru, however, seemed perfectly fine, as she kept chattering on without fail.

After what felt like an eternity, the door went open and she led him out, unto the gallery and to one of the front doors. There, she took a key from her pocket and opened the door. Happily, she led him inside, calling out to whoever was in the apartment.

‘Hirako-nii! Looky, looky!’ she called, dragging him into the kitchen, where they were greeted by a human male, who he recognized from one of the pictures Naru had sent him. If he remembered correctly, he was a friend of theirs. Whatever Hirako was cooking, the scent of food entered his nostrils. Food that looked delicious, yet something he’d never be able to eat. ‘This is Zaru-nii!’

‘P-pardon the intrusion,’ he said, bowing his head slightly. He hoped that Naru hadn’t gone out of her way of bringing him there without asking anyone’s consent.

‘So you’re Zaru-nii,’ Hirako chuckled amused. ‘I take that’s not your name. As I do recall, May-chan calls you Koma-kun.’

‘Yes, the name’s Koma Enji. Nice to meet you…. uhm…’ He scratched the back of his head. Never in his life had he met humans this way, always in the safety of Anteiku. But now he found himself in unfamiliar territory. A place of different rules. Rules that he knew so little about and the few he did know, he had never used before. He hoped that he didn’t make a wrong impression.

‘Hirako is fine,’ Hirako said friendly. His gray eyes darted over him, taking him in. ‘I think I see why Naru likes you, Koma-kun. Are you staying for dinner?’

He winched at this and shook his head. ‘N-no, but thank you. I have… leftovers at home… Uhm, Naru said she wanted to play with me, which is why I’m here. M-maybe some other time, but… thank you.’

‘Aw, you’re not staying for dinner?’ Naru pouted. Her large brown eyes practically begged him to stay for dinner. If only he hadn’t been a ghoul or if only he had been able to eat human food, he’d have loved to take the offer. The kitchen in which he stood was cozy, like someone put a warm, soft blanket over him.

‘Oh hush, Naru. Koma-kun said that he’d join us some other time. Don’t pester him. I bet you’ve already dragged him from his work, again. Am I right?’ Hirako said, eyebrow raised.

‘Zaru-nii was done. He said so.’

‘It’s fine. Really.’

‘May-chan said you would say that.’ Hirako shook his head, smiling. ‘Of you go then, young lady. You have an hour until dinner.’

‘Yaay! Zaru-nii, this way! This way!’ He hardly had time to utter another word or the little girl dragged him through the kitchen and to the hallway. As he was dragged around, he noticed paintings and photo’s hanging on the wall. At one photo he stopped in his tracks, earning a soft yelp from Naru who was brought to a sudden standstill. She followed his gaze. ‘That’s onee-chan.’

It was Mairenn. How could she not be, with the flaming red curls and green eyes? Her curls were short, in a bob-cut. A large bandage adorned her right cheek and one arm was in a sling. Her clothes were dark and baggie. Her skin almost sickly pale. There were bags beneath her eyes, yet there was a grin on her face. Next to her, with one arm around her, was someone who could only be Hirako. He too, was bandaged, yet, just like Mairenn, he was grinning. It made him wonder why they were both still grinning, despite their serious looking injuries.

‘Where are you, little miss?’ he glanced at Naru, who looked up to him, immediately pointing to another photo on the wall.

‘There! With daddy!’ she exclaimed. ‘I was little. Two years!’

He followed her pointing finger, finding the picture she meant. She was held in the arms of a man who, he assumed, was her father. She clung to him. Unsmiling, eyes afraid. At their side stood a blond woman, who held one hand on her stomach, obviously pregnant.

‘Where’s your smile, little one?’

She made a face, as if she smelled something bad. It lasted for a second, then her smile returned to her face. She tugged at his arm. ‘Come play, Zaru-nii!’

She dragged him to her room, a room which she seemed to share, considering the bunkbed and two desks. ‘My room and Hiro’s. I sleep on top. Hiro is too small. And this is my desk…’ She darted around the room, showing her belongings. Stuffed animals, a few photos, drawings and books. Then she grabbed a box with a few dolls and stuffed animals. Her brown eyes bright with joy, as she took them out. ‘Let’s play!’


	9. Tea party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koma finds himself at a tea party, with a little girl and a group of dolls and stuffed animals and a little surprise at the end.

Smiling to herself, she made her way to the children’s room. After coming home from picking up Hiro, she’d heard that Koma was visiting. Apparently, Naru had managed to snatch him away from his work and got him to play with her, again. As hostile as she usually was towards others, other than their small family and Hirako, as open and cheerful she was around him. When she once asked the little girl, the only reply she got was that he was funny, but whether Naru meant that he was funny or funny looking, Mairenn didn’t know.

She heard Naru before she saw her, giggling loud, clearly enjoying herself to the fullest. Seeing that the door was open, she lingered in the doorway, smiling broadly upon seeing the scenery laid out before her.

They sat on the floor, surrounded by dolls and stuffed animals, of which mostly were monkeys, ironically enough. Apparently, Naru had decided to hold a tea party, teaching Koma how to play the game. The older male seemed both confused and amused at the same time. He looked downright out of place and a little lost, something that went completely unnoticed by the little girl sitting on his lap.

‘Onee-chan!’ Naru exclaimed, as soon as she noticed her standing in the doorway. She greeted the young girl back, hugging her back when the girl threw her arms around her, looking up with a beaming expression. ‘Zaru-nii and I have a tea party!’

‘I can see that. May I join you?’ Her eyes darted from Naru to Koma, who sent her a smile of his own, one that she happily answered. Truth to be told, she was glad to see him. Having needed to make her deadline, she hadn’t been able to drop by at Anteiku. She had missed his company.

‘Just for a bit. Dinner is almost ready. Hirako-nii said so.’

‘I know. But I can’t have dinner without your delicious tea.’ She winked at the girl, who cooed with delight. Sitting down, she greeted Koma, asking how he was doing. She watched him as he answered her, his gestures slightly exaggerated, yet she knew that he liked to do so. Normally it would bother her, yet he did it in a manner that was funny to watch.

‘How are you, Hughes-san?’ he asked, her heart aflutter when her name rolled passed his lips.

‘Fine, thank you. Busy with work these past few days… Oh, thank you, Naru.’ She took the cup from the girl, pretending to drink the non-existing tea before continuing. ‘I had a deadline, if not for that… I would have…’ She sent him an apologizing smile, letting the unsaid words hang in the air, hoping that he’d catch the hint. By his relieved expression, he did.

‘I thought this man had done something wrong,’ he murmured. ‘I thought…’

‘Aaah! Onee-chan, dinner is ready!’ Naru cut in, as she started to put her things away. They helped her cleaning up. Right after putting the box away, Naru bolted out of the room, calling out that she was on her way.

‘You’re not staying?’ she asked, though already knowing the answer.

‘No.’ He sent her an apologizing smile, one that made him look even more lost than before.

‘Let me walk you out.’ She stood up, brushing a wrinkle from her skirt. He stood up as well, eyes darting over her. ‘You can still stay. If you changed your mind then… it’s fine.’

‘I can’t. I’m sorry.’

She opened her mouth, trying to find any words to say that could make him stay. In the books that she translated, words always seemed to come easy, yet in real life she found herself at loss for words so many times that she had lost count. ‘I understand.’

She led him to the front door, finding herself lingering when he walked passed, wishing for a reason that enabled him to stay. For a second, she thought that he’d leave without another word. He didn’t. Instead he lingered as well, as if he was unable to make up his mind about something.

‘Can we meet? Without… please. It’s fine if you don’t want to…. I just…’ He stammered, scratching the back of his head. Looking so unsure of himself, so unlike the Koma that she got to know. Normally, he came of so confident, able to find words so easily. He sent her an unsure, faint smile, one that didn’t reach his eyes. Everything about him screamed that he expected to get rejected.

She wanted to put him at ease. Not just because of his attitude, but because she truly wanted to. She wanted to spent some time with him, alone. Just the two of them. Now that her deadline was over, meant that she had more time to do so. ‘I’d love to.’


	10. First date part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date time! Where will he take her and will she like his ideas?

He couldn’t believe it. He still couldn’t believe that he actually had a date. With her. That she had actually agreed to go out with him. He had been sure that she’d reject him, like so many women before her. Yet she hadn’t. She had agreed with a smile on her face. A smile that had warmed his heart and made his stomach all aflutter.

They had agreed to meet each other in a few hours. She’d pick him up after his shift ended. Where they’d go after that, he didn’t know. Hell, he didn’t even know what she’d like to do on their date. Truth to be told, he didn’t know what humans did on a date. Maybe a restaurant, but he could hardly bring her there. Especially since he’d have to force human food down his throat and throw it all up later on. And he didn’t want to ruin the mood by having to go to the bathroom to throw up every single time.

Biting his lip, he wondered what other options there were. The movies? He had never gone and he had no idea where to start on deciding what kind of movie would be fun to watch. Maybe she’d know. Or maybe he could bring her to the bar that he regularly visited to play darts and billiards. When he voiced his suggestions to Irimi, she scoffed, telling him flat-out that those were no fun for most women. But when he asked her what else to do, she merely shrugged. She didn’t seem to have any ideas either.

Unable to make up his mind, he waited for her outside of Anteiku, scanning the crowd in search for her. He didn’t have to wait long. She called out to him, waving as she approached. The sight of her took his breath away. She wore a white summer dress with a flower print. Her hair was tied in a braid that hung over her shoulder. Simple, yet elegant and oh, how well it suited her.

Smiling, she greeted him, tugging a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Her silver earrings glistered in the light. Standing so close, he could smell her subtle perfume. No doubt the scent of it would linger on his clothes after the day was done. Not that he’d mind.

‘So… where are we going?’ she asked. Fearing she might scoff at him with his suggestions like Irimi had but seeing no other options, he voiced his ideas. To his delight, she clapped her hands together. ‘Oh, I’ve never done either of them. Can we try both?’

Relief washed over him as he nodded. At least she liked his ideas. He was already glad that he didn’t have to spent the rest of the day in a restaurant, trying to stomach food that he’d never be able to eat. So he led her to the bar, talking with her about trivial things. At least that had been the plan, though he couldn’t help but mention the photo he had seen of her at her home.

‘You saw that, huh.’ She fidgeted at the loose strand of hair, she had tugged back earlier. ‘That was taken right after I started living with my foster parents. I had… a rough time. More on the streets than inside. I…’ She bit her lower lip. ‘I don’t think it’s first date material. Sorry.’

He waved her apology away, that he was just curious but didn’t mean to pry. He’d wait until she was ready to tell, if she wanted him to know. She smiled relieved at this, thanking him for understanding, as it was a period in her life that she wasn’t proud of. He nodded at this, knowing exactly what she meant.

Having entered the bar, they decided to start with darts, figuring it was easier for her to start with. He showed her how to throw, explaining the rules as he went along. Then she had her first try, at which he noticed that she was pretty good. When he told her this she laughed, a joyful sound that warmed his heart, telling him that she was glad to at least hit the board. She wanted to have a match against him, though she commented that she’d probably lose. Which she did, badly. But despite her losing, she managed to laugh it off with an, ‘I suck, horribly.’ Something he’d never thought she’d say, as she always came off as someone proper. Then again remembering the picture of her past self, told him otherwise. He doubted that she’d always been calm, kind and collected.

They played a few more rounds, of which she all lost, before moving on to billiards. In between they ordered a few drinks and for her a snack, which he declined, earning a shrug from her and to his relief no questions as to why not. Maybe she’d feel like prying, if she’d ask, or maybe she didn’t care. Either way, he was grateful that she didn’t press the matter further.

Once again, he showed her the ropes as best as he could, explaining the rules at the best of his abilities, which turned out harder than he had anticipated. Yet he managed, sort of, mostly by showing her. She managed to get by, sort of, with a frown on her brow and her lips pouting. But whenever it was her turn, her tongue stuck a bit passed her lips while she concentrated. He found that she looked adorable like that, but didn’t comment on it. He doubted that she’d appreciate it if he did.

Trying not to stare at her face too much, he let his eyes wander, stopping at the end of her dress, where the fabric had gone up just a little bit, revealing a little bit more of her long legs. Feeling his face flush, he quickly averted his eyes.

He heard her mutter in frustration. He didn’t need to see what she had done to know that she screwed up. With a sigh she turned to him. ‘You won. Again.’ 

‘Of course. This man is undefeated with billiards.’ The words were out before he knew. Realizing too late that he was bragging, and exaggerating, he awaited her reaction, fearing that his words had offended her. Not that he’d blame her if they had. It was one of his flaws, as the ones who knew him had pointed out more than once. He meant no harm by it, as they knew, yet he wondered at this moment whether Mairenn knew or realized this as well.

‘Are you now?’ she asked, one eyebrow raised and for once he couldn’t read her.

‘I... this man…’ he stammered, unsure of what to say. He didn’t want to screw this up. It had taken him so much effort to get some time alone with her and he’d be damned if this was the first and the last time.

He opened his mouth to speak, wanting to tell her that he hadn’t meant it like that. That he, by no means, meant to sound like a know-it-all. To his surprise, she giggled. ‘Good thing I know you like to exaggerate, Koma-kun. Might want to be careful. Maybe next time I will take offence.’

He flashed her a crocked smile. ‘Noted. I guess you want to call it quits?’

‘Yes, if you don’t mind.’ Her eyes darted to the clock hanging on the wall. When she spoke again, he heard the words that he had been dreading to hear. ‘I don’t know about you but… I kind of hungry.’


	11. First date part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had fun during the first part, but can he survive dinner?

He let her decide on the restaurant to eat at, all the while wondering how on earth he could get himself through this. Never had he gone out to eat with a human before and even though he knew how to pretend to eat human food, he feared screwing up. How on earth could he excuse himself, probably multiple times, to go to the bathroom? She would notice that something was off, he was sure of it. And he didn’t want to raise any suspicion. Hanging out with her was risky enough as things were. If she found out, if she exposed him, it would be the end of him, Devil Ape or not. Just the mere thought that she’d regard him with disgust on her face was horrible enough. He hoped that he’d never have to witness it. Ever.

‘What are you having, Koma-kun?’ She snapped him out of his thoughts. Green eyes gazed at him from over the menu.

‘I.. I haven’t decided yet. Anything you recommend?’ He glanced at the menu, having no idea what to decide upon. Hell, he didn’t even know what most of the dishes were. So he was relieved when she smiled at him and recommended their curry, which, according to her, was really great. His relief was short lived when the said curry was put in front of him and he was supposed to eat it. Truth to be told, it looked good, smelled decent as well. The first bite, however, was horrible and it took him all his training and willpower not the throw up on the spot.

Faking a smile and pretending to eat it, he swallowed his bite whole, desperately trying to keep everything down, even though his stomach was already protesting and everything inside of him screamed that this food did not belong.

He took another bite, commenting that it was indeed as great as she had said. She beamed at his words, obviously pleased. She pointed at her own food, asking whether he wanted to try hers as well. Wanting to please her, he said that he’d wanted to.

She scooped some on her spoon, feeding him her own dish. A part of him found it endearing that she wanted to feed him, which made this entire situation a little bit better. Yet that part was shortly overruled when her food entered his mouth and his entire being started protesting once more. Like the curry, he forced it down, pretending to enjoy it, just like Yoshimura-san had taught him years ago.

Somehow he managed to drag himself through dinner. When she suggested to have dessert, he declined, glad that he could say that he was full, though he did add that she could have dessert and didn’t have to hold back on his account. She seemed relieved at this and while she waited for her order, he found a moment to excuse himself to the bathroom. He casually made his way there, even though he wanted to take a sprint and throw up straight away. To his relief, the bathroom was devoid of any living being. He hardly locked the door behind him or he threw up, emptying his stomach, glad to be rid of the human food that he ate just a few minutes ago. After that, he flushed his mouth with water, ridding himself of both the taste and smell of puke as best as he could.

He quickly made his way back to their table, apologizing to her for taking so long. She didn’t mind. Her order was brought, which she was already enjoying. Chocolate cake, by the looks of it. She put some on her fork, holding it before him, claiming that he had to have a taste, for it was absolutely delicious. Seeing no other option, he took the bite that she offered, immediately regretting that he had, yet one look on her beaming face made the bit of torture a little worthwhile.

They ended with coffee, of which he was grateful. The coffee was fine. Black, just the way he liked it. Of course, not as good as Anteiku and certainly not as good as the one he brewed. When he said this, more without thinking, she laughed, shaking her head while she did. Sipping from his coffee he glanced over his cup, enjoying her company.

Once they stood outside again, however, he had no idea what to do. Should he walk her home? Or would she want to do something else? He didn’t know. He asked her what she’d want to do, hoping that she might have an idea.

Shyly she looked at him. ‘Can we… walk together… for a bit? I don’t want to go… just yet.’

His heart leaped at her words. She wanted to spent some more time with him. Like he did.

So they walked through the park, enjoying each other’s company, talking about minor things, wanting to get to know each other better. As they walked, he realized how quiet it was around them, almost as if they were alone in the world. The silence around them made him all the more aware of her presence. She walked so close that their hands almost touched sometimes. He wondered whether it was all right to hold her hand. He wanted to see what it was like, how her skin felt on his.

When their hands almost touched again, he decided to take the gamble. He gently brushed her hand, wanting to see her reaction. When she didn’t pull away, he intertwined their fingers. Her skin soft and warm against his own. He heard her gasp softly, saw her cheeks turn pink, though more purple in the night. To his joy, she let him.

Holding hands, he walked her home. Both walked slowly, neither of them wanting it to end. When they turned the corner, she stopped in her tracks, sending him an apologizing smile. Softly, she asked whether they could stay there for a moment, before he walked her to the front door. He nodded, all too glad that she didn’t want to part from him either. He couldn’t help but ask her why though.

Shyly, she averted her eyes. Following her gaze, he caught her staring at their hands, which they still held. ‘I had such a good time… and I just… I don’t want it to end.’

‘Me too.’ He gently squeezing her hand, gazing at her when he spoke. ‘I want more time with you. I want…’ _to keep you_. But he didn’t voice the last part, afraid of how she’d react. Saying such things might be too soon. Maybe he’d tell her some other time. When they had a few more dates and knew each other a bit better. Maybe then, he’d tell her.

‘Koma-kun.’ The way she looked at him, as she said his name, made his heart all aflutter, stirring something inside that he hadn’t felt before. Blushing, her eyes darted from his eyes to his lips and back again. Her own lips slightly parted, inviting.

He swallowed hard, as he caught on as to what she wanted. Hell, he wanted it too, badly. But he found it too soon. The time wasn’t right. He needed a little bit more time and he could only hope she’d wait. ‘Let me walk you home, Hughes-san.’

She nodded, a faint smile on her lips. A sigh. Then she let him walk her home. All the while they held each other’s hand. Even when they stood on her doorstep it took a while before either of them let go and even longer before the warmth of her hand had disappeared from his skin and he no longer felt her eyes gazing at his back, as he walked into the night.


	12. Naru's drawing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple drawing can do so much.

He stared at his hand, seeing traces of blood dying his hand red. When he blinked, the blood was gone. Taking a deep, shaking breath, he clenched and unclenched his hand, knowing fully well that the blood was part of his imagination, though on the other hand, it was so real. The blood was part of his memory. Part of the heinous crimes which he had committed. Crimes that he, though now indirectly, was still committing, feeding on the flesh of humans, just to stay alive.

Sometimes, he wanted to go back to his past. Back then, he was fighting the strongest investigators that they could throw at him. The thrill from back then, fighting on the edge, unknowing of whether he would live or die, had been something that he had loved. Something that he had even craved. He wanted to go back to that time, just so he could fight a Dove strong enough to end his life and he could pay for his crimes.

He blinked again, her hand that let him intertwine their fingers, flashed before his eyes. Her skin soft and warm on his own. She had blushed as they had held hands. She had been hesitant to let go of his hand, just like he hadn’t wanted to let go of hers. A hand that had killed so many, was dyed in blood and yet, there was a woman who had held that very same hand so gently.

‘Zaru-nii!’ A small hand took the hand at which he was staring at. Warm, impatient as she tugged at him, no doubt wanting to show him something. Her large brown eyes beamed up at him. His nickname rolled passed her lips once more. ‘Looky! Looky! I made this, Zaru-nii!’

Seeing that she caught his attention, she let go off his hand, holding up a drawing, smiling broadly at him. It was a drawing of him. Well, he assumed that it was, though he resembled a monkey more. At his right stood a figure looking like Naru, holding his hand. On the other side a figure that could only be Mairenn, holding both his hand and Hiro’s.

‘I made this! At school!’

‘Looks good, little miss.’ He smiled at her, unsure of what else to say. 

‘Really?’ Her smile widened. ‘We had to draw our family. But I forgot Hirako-nii.’ 

‘We’re not family, little miss.’ As he spoke the words, he immediately regretted them. Her smile faded, eyes saddened. With a soft voice, she asked him why they weren’t. ‘We’re not related by blood, little miss. And… I’m not married into your family either.’ 

‘But… onee-chan…’ Naru’s eyes went from him to the drawing. ‘…is family.’ The last words came out as a whimper. For a second, she looked as if she was about to cry. Then she got angry. ‘Onee-chan is family! Zaru-nii… is f-family!’

She burst into tears.


	13. Hints of loneliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She wants to know why he looks so lonely, but does she dare to ask?

She found Naru at Anteiku, crying her heart out and Koma desperately trying to console the little girl. He looked unsure of what to do and a bit guilty. Scooping the girl in her arms, she asked him what had happened. Guilt flashed across his features when he told her what had happened, gesturing to the drawing that Naru had made at school earlier. A drawing showing the four of them.

‘I…’ He scratched the back of his head, looking lost all of the sudden. A look she knew all too well, as she herself had seen her reflection look back at her just like that, years ago. Back when she hadn’t been able to grasp the concept of a family. Seeing him like that, made her realize that maybe, for Koma, the concept of a family, of being called a part of one, was out of his reach. He may have heard about it, may have seen it in his daily life, but never experienced it. If that were true, his words towards Naru, with no ill-intent, made sense. ‘This man never meant to make her cry.’

‘I know, Koma-kun.’ She flashed him a kind smile, hoping that it would take away a bit of his discomfort and unease. ‘It’s just… we’ve been told that family isn’t always the people related by blood, but the people who you hold dear to your heart. People you can’t live without. Those people can be anyone and for Naru, you’re one of those people. For her, you’re family, no matter what.’

He fell silent at her words, eyes staring at her with disbelief. Then his expression changed and he looked as if he was about to cry. His mouth opened, as if he was about to say something, yet the only sound that came from him was a soft croak.

‘Koma-kun?’ She softly called his name, wanting to reach out to him, wanting to know what was wrong. He looked so vulnerable. More lost than he had a moment ago.

‘Zaru-nii?’ Naru, who seemed to have sensed the mood, ceased her crying. When the girl tugged at her blouse, she caught on the hint, putting the girl down. Immediately, Naru was at his side, taking his hands in her own. ‘Don’t cry, Zaru-nii.’

He crouched down, sending the girl a faint smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. ‘I won’t, little miss. This man is sorry for making you cry.’ Gently, he brushed a tear away with his thumb that had lingered at the corner of Naru’s right eye.

‘Is Zaru-nii family?’ the little girl asked. When he nodded, though hesitant, she smiled, throwing her arms around him when she did.

She saw him stiffen by Naru’s action, then relaxed a bit when he hugged the little girl back. He held the girl close, almost as if he was afraid that she’d disappear if he’d let go. His expression was so painful to watch, making her wonder all the more what his life had been like. There were so many things about him that she didn’t know. Things he might not even want her to know. She could only hope that, whatever caused the pain flashing across his features, would disappear over time.

She ran into him a few days later by mere coincidence. Coming back from work, she had decided to stroll around a bit, enjoying the moment without any children to look after. Apparently her feet seemed to know where Koma was, as they brought her right to him. He just came from his shift, waving at her when he noticed her. She waved back, glad to see him.

A little unsure of how to act around him, she greeted him, while in silence wondering whether it was all right to take his hand, like he had done after their date. Sure, she had seen him and spoken with him after that, but it had been always in the company of Naru and Hiro or over the phone. Never alone.

They hadn’t spoken about his reaction on Naru’s drawing either, though she did know that the drawing hung on his wall. He had told her this and sent her a picture as prove for Naru, which the little girl had been delighted with. She still wanted to know why it had upset him so, yet she didn’t know whether she was allowed to ask. She didn’t want to put him in a position he was uncomfortable in.

They ended up walking around the ward with no particular goal, just merely enjoying each other’s company. As they walked, their hands brushed against one another from time to time. Every time it happened, her heart leaped, loving the tingling feeling his simple touch gave her. At one point, she build up the courage and took his hand in her own, intertwining their fingers, like he had done the first time. His hand warm and strong. She gave him a soft squeeze, silently asking whether this was all right. When she did, he flashed her a smile. Confident, with a playful gleam in his eyes. A smile that was so like him, one that made her feel all fuzzy inside. But when he turned his attention away from her, she saw loneliness reflected in his eyes.

Gathering her courage, she softly asked him as to why he looked so lonely.


	14. Her past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His small confession about his loneliness and a short story about her past.

He stopped in his tracks, taken aback by her sudden question. He hadn’t realized that he looked lonely, but apparently he did and she, observant as she was, had caught on. Hoping to fool her, he sent her a crocked smile, claiming that he was fine. Only to receive a disapproving look from her and a, ‘don’t lie to me, Koma-kun.’

Sighing, seeing that he couldn’t fool her, he gestured to a café that they passed. If he was going to tell her, they may as well do it something comfortable, instead while strolling around the ward where he could be overheard. One never knew who might be listening.

After they sat down, he admitted that the whole being a part of a family thing was new to him and that he didn’t actually know what to think about it. One part of him felt happy with the new feeling, very happy even. But on the other hand, it made him realize how lonely he actually was, even with his current life and social contacts. Out loud he wondered whether he was an ungrateful person to think this way, for it felt like he was. Especially after he was given so much, while he didn’t deserve any of his current life in the least.

He sent her an apologizing smile, feeling downright pathetic as he admitted all of this. Yet a part of him was glad that he could finally say it out loud, making it feel like a weight was slowly lifted from his shoulders. Even so, it didn’t take the loneliness away. It was still there, eating at him, together with the weight of his crimes. A burden that he would continue to bear, until he finally breathed his last breathe. Nothing could change that. Not even her.

His name left her lips, sweet and gentle. Like his name alone was something special. She took his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers once more. Hesitant, caring, as if holding his hand was something special as well. As if he was special and he knew that he wasn’t. Not in de least. He was just a man named Koma Enji, a sinner who tried to atone for his crimes. So very few would mourn him when he died. A death that lurked around the corner every day. Such was his fate. But still… would she mourn him if he died? For, if that were so, it would be nice to know that someone like her would mourn him. At least there would be someone who’d miss him. Even if it was a little.

He brushed his thumb over the skin of her hand, loving how soft her skin was. So different from his own. Their eyes met. As if that the cue she had been waiting for, she spoke.

She told him that she understood his feelings, for it were the same feelings that she had struggled with for years, after she had been taken in by Hirako’s parents. That just being around them, just being in that house, had been so painful, so uncomfortable that she had thrown tantrums, trying to break things before it could break her. That she had tried to hurt them, before they could hurt her. That their warmth and love had felt suffocating at first, for she hadn’t known how to react nor what to do with the affection given to her so unconditionally. That it had only made her feel so lonely that she had wished for all that warmth and affection to disappear. That all the while, she had been terrified to be thrown away by them, to get cast aside, like her real family had done.

As she told him this, he saw her waver, heard her shaking breath, when she tried to collect herself, no doubt forcing herself to continue. As she spoke, he realized how little he knew about her. She was all too aware of how cruel people could be.

Mustering up his courage, he asked her what happened with her real family. She flinched at his question. A look so painful flashed across her face that it nearly broke his heart. Quickly he added that she didn’t need to tell him. But to his surprise she did, though her voice was so soft he had to strain himself to hear her.

She told him that she had been a lovechild from her parents. Her father had been Scottish, her mother Japanese. Both had died when she had been young. After her parents death, she had lived in Scotland for a while, yet her family there had sent her to Japan after only a year. Her family in Japan had only taken her in for appearances’ sake, though behind closed doors they had been cruel. Cruelty that went from ignoring her to beatings for being merely in the same house as them. She had met Hirako on the streets, while she had tried to pick pockets, in the hope of getting money and buy something to eat. A group of boys had cornered him, beating him up. Seeing this, she had rushed in and had beaten up his attackers instead. She had befriended Hirako after that and had found herself at his place more and more often. His parents had eventually found out about her situation and had let her live in their home until she was old enough to live on her own.

She fell silent, taking a shaking breath. A shiver went through her, despite the warmth in the café. He muttered her name, seeing her snap out of the memories where she had been caught in. Her eyes darted over his face, sad and unsure. He wanted to say something, anything, that would make her smile again, yet he was at loss for words. He hated it that he couldn’t find anything to say now that she needed to hear that… That she needed to hear what? That it was all right? How could he say that, after she had told him about her past? How could he, with the knowledge that her blood relatives had treated her so horribly? Maybe he was at loss for words simply because there were no right words to say.

So he did the only thing that he could think of. He brought the hand that he held to his lips, gently placing a soft kiss on her slender fingers. Her eyes widened at this. Her cheeks colored a lovely shade of pink. For a split second, he feared that she’d pull her hand away. She didn’t. Instead, she shyly looked away, stealing glances at him from beneath her long eyelashes.

He smiled at this, pleased with the way in which he had resolved the situation. He brought their hands down, but not before placing another kiss on hers first.


	15. An invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koma gets invited by Naru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, first of all: Best wishes for this year!  
> Hope you enjoy the first chapter of this year! :)

He was sweeping the entrance, when Naru came bolting his way, calling him by that ridiculous nickname, which had somehow stuck around. He had hoped that it would fade over these passed weeks, but he should have known by now that Naru wouldn’t stop calling him “Zaru-nii”.

‘Looky, looky, Zaru-nii!’ She jumped up and down, holding a flyer in her hands, that he couldn’t possibly read with her moving about. When he told her this, she stopped jumping up and down, though the excitement was all too clear on her bright face.

Reading the flyer, he saw that it was for an amusement park and by Naru’s reaction, she was dying to go. ‘Are you going, little miss?’

‘Yes! Onee-chan and Hirako-nii said we can go, this weekend! Zaru-nii needs to come too!’ She started to jump up and down again. ‘Will you come?’

He pondered over this. Sure, he’d love to go and see what this amusement park was all about. He had heard many stories and he had always wanted to check it out. On the other hand, he had heard it was crowded with humans and had a lot of food stands. No doubt there were Doves surveying the area, looking for anyone suspicious. If he went and didn’t try anything, he’d stand out like a sore thumb. If the Doves weren’t getting on his case then, then surely Naru and Mairenn would want to know why he didn’t eat anything. Which meant that, if he went, he’d have to eat something, with very small opportunities to throw up. But he wanted to go, even if it was just to please the enthusiastic girl, jumping around him, like he was some Christmas tree, waiting for the present that was his answer.

He did have that weekend off and one more look at the little girl, who kept looking at him with her large, brown, pleading eyes, he finally caved. ‘I’ll go.’

His answer earned him a delightful squeal and a hug from the girl, who in return remained at his side, helping him out with sweeping. The broom was too big for her, but she insisted to help and clean up the bit of dirt and such, so he could only watch her with amusement at her attempt of helping him. Her so called help ended the second she noticed Mairenn coming their way, with Hiro clinging at her skirt as usual.

Seeing the older woman, Naru immediately dropped the broom, that clattered on the concrete in her wake, as she darted to Mairenn, exclaiming happily that he’d join them that weekend to the amusement park. 

‘I hoped you would,’ she smiled, when she had reached him. ‘Do you have a preference of day and time, Koma-kun?’

He shook his head. ‘No, tell this man where to be and at what time and he’d be there.’


	16. Waiting to meet up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes a little while before Naru finds him.

So he found himself that same Saturday at their meeting place. Looking at the time, he knew that he was too early, but he hated making people wait. In the main time, he watched people come and go. The people who either went or had gone to the amusement park were easily spotted. Groups of students or parents with their children, talked excited about what they had done and seen. Some children begged their parents to go tomorrow again, though he seldom heard the answer.

He had never been to one. Not as a child and definitely not as the Devil Ape. Back then, he could hardly have waltzed right into the amusement park, picking a fight with whatever Dove was present. Well, he could have, but he had always stayed clear of human activity, finding their ways odd, uncaring how they lived their lives. He had only gotten interested in the human ways after Yoshimura-san had taken him in at Anteiku, but even then, he’d never gone.

‘Zaru-nii!’ Naru’s happy voice brought him back to reality. He found the girl standing before him, beaming up at him, holding one of his sleeves tightly. ‘Onee-chan! Hirako-nii! I found Zaru-nii!’

She waved at them, urging them on, holding him tight, as if she was afraid that he would change his mind and leave if she didn’t.

He greeted the others as they reached them. His eyes lingered on Mairenn a little longer than he had intended, before greeting Hirako as well. Her friend didn’t seem to mind and if he did, he was good at hiding it.

‘Shall we?’ He offered his arm to her, wondering if she would take his offer. To his joy, she took his offer, smiling warmly when she did. She was so close. He could smell her subtle perfume. Oh, how he loved the scent of her perfume mixed with her natural scent. If they’d be able to walk like this the entire day, her scent would be all over his clothes when the day was done. Not that he’d mind. Not in the least.

‘Any preference of where to start?’ Hirako asked, having lifted Hiro up. The boy now sat on his shoulders, smiling broadly. Never had he seen the boy like that. He had never seen Hiro without his bunny, but the said boy had handed the stuffed animal over to Hirako, seemingly trusting the adult to keep it safe.

He shrugged in reply. ‘This man never went, so I’ll leave it to you guys.’

They all stopped in their tracks, staring at him in shock. ‘Never?’

‘Never.’

Mairenn and Hirako exchanged a look, before quickly dragging him to the amusement park.


	17. A day at the amusement park part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koma wants to go in a haunted house. Do I need to say more? ;)

Once at the amusement park, he was dragged from one attraction to another. They started with the Ferris wheel, in which they got a great view from their surroundings. Marveling at the sight around him, he reacted nearly just as enthusiastic as the two children, who cried out with wonder and glee. Of course, he did no such thing. He was a man, after all, but Mairenn told him afterwards that his expression had been adorable. Not exactly the way to compliment a man, yet she added that his enthusiasm had been a nice sight to see. He settled for her explanation. Though his pride was slightly wounded, he didn’t let it get in the way of the fun.

After the Ferris wheel, they went into a few more attractions, of which one was with water and he found himself completely wet when he got out, and they got some food at some stands. Food that he barely kept down, which made him feel relieved upon seeing a public bathroom. Quickly, he excused himself, relieving himself from the human food, feeling instantly better.

When they strolled around further, his eye fell on something that he found interesting. Asking what it was, he pointed at the attraction from which a lot of screaming came. He wondered why and when Hirako told him that it was a haunted house, he got all the more curious. He wanted to go in, to see what it meant.

So he found himself in the haunted house with Mairenn, who was trembling even before they had properly entered. Hirako had, with a broad smile, excused himself and told them that he would wait with Naru and Hiro outside, since they were both too young to enter. Mairenn hadn’t been thrilled by the prospect of entering, yet she had been persuaded by Hirako, claiming that she couldn’t let Koma go in alone.

‘Koma-kun, can I hold your hand?’ she asked, her voice trembling.

He chuckled at this, grabbing her hand without a second thought. He was curious as to why she was so afraid. If he remembered correctly, humans didn’t see so well in the dark. But that wasn’t a bad thing, in this case, was it?

Apparently it was, for a noise sounded close by and then, Mairenn screamed.

~~~~~~ 

She hated haunted houses. She hated that Hirako had been able to talk her into it. She hated being in the dark, hardly able to see a thing and hearing all kinds of noises that she couldn’t place. She knew that it was all fake, she knew this, but still, she couldn’t help but become afraid every time that she went into such a thing. The only thing good about it was that Koma held her hand.

Something sounded behind her. A slight tap on her shoulder. She screamed.

When they got outside, Hirako waited for them, broad smile on his face. He hated haunted houses just as much as she did, but he had wiggled his way out of it.

‘We could hear you scream all the way here,’ he joyfully said to her. She wanted to strangle him and maybe would have, were it not for Koma, who was still laughing at her expense. Apparently, her distress at the entire situation was funny to him. He simply stood there, bend over, both arms wrapped around himself, laughing hard.

A part of her was happy seeing him like that, truly. But the other part wanted to slap him for laughing so hard and it took her all her self-control not to do just that.

‘Onee-chan is angry! Onee-chan is angry!’ Naru happily exclaimed at her side.

‘Don’t be angry, May-May. We all have our weaknesses.’ Hirako grinned, patting her shoulder, like he always did when he was pushing his luck, though he never seemed to care. He knew her better than anyone, foul temper and all. ‘At least, Koma-kun is enjoying himself.’

She sighed. That was true. It was childish of her to get so angry over such a trivial thing. They were there to enjoy themselves, so she shouldn’t…

‘You’re such a coward, Hughes-san,’ Koma laughed, looking like he was trying to compose himself again.

Her hand twitched and oh, no matter how much she liked him, how much she wanted to slap him right then and there.


	18. A day at the amusement park part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roller-coaster time! :D

The next and one of the last stops, was the roller-coaster. Once again, this attraction made people scream, though he failed to see why. One again, Mairenn joined him. Hirako had joined the two children at the carousel, both children laughing with glee, as the horses went up and down.

There was quite the line before they could finally ride the attraction. As they waited, they talked about the park and what attraction they might do next. He found that talking made the wait doable, though he still wondered why humans would waste so much time waiting for one little thing. He wanted to comment on this, but it was their turn and he was cut off by a man telling him to put the straps on tightly. Glancing at Mairenn, he saw that she did the same. Not liking the fact that he would be tied down, yet not wanting to look like an idiot, he followed her example.

When everyone was secured, the weird carts they sat in started to move forward. At first, it rocked a bit back and forth, before following the tracks upwards to a higher point that he had seen earlier from the ground. Mairenn sent him a wide grin, boyish, instead of the more feminine smiles she normally to send him, one that held some mischief in it. Her grin reminded him of the picture of her younger self on the wall, back at her apartment.

He flashed her a grin of his own. She pointed to something in front of them. Following her finger, he noticed that they had reached the top. Before he could register what was happening, they dropped.

‘That was amazing!’ he exclaimed happily when they were back with both their feet on the steady ground. He had loved it. It had been better than the haunted house, better than the other attractions. This thing called the roller-coaster gave him such a thrill. Back in the day, the only thing that had given him a good adrenaline rush had been fighting the Doves, but never like this. This was different, a good different. Just like fighting Doves, the roller-coaster had made him feel alive. The humans who had invented that thing were amazing.

He wanted to go again. To his relief, she did too.


	19. Reluctant to part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All fun days have to end some time, but parting ways (even for a short while) can be a hard thing to do.

‘So glad we decided this on a Saturday,’ Hirako said, when they had called it a day and were making their way back to their homes. He carried Hiro on his back, the little boy fast asleep. This time it as Naru carrying the younger boy’s stuffed animal. She held it tight, walking instead of skipping, as if she was afraid to lose the precious bunny. ‘At least now we can sleep in tomorrow.’

He himself walked next to Mairenn. Once again, he had offered his arm to her, and like before, she had taken the offer. It felt nice, walking like that and he could pretend that she was his, just for a little while. From time to time, Hirako glanced their way, a big smile on his face, which made him wonder why. Did they looked funny, walking like that? Or was it something else? He meant to ask, yet found that it wasn’t the right time to do so.

‘If they decide to sleep in, I might,’ was her reply.

Hirako sniggered. ‘’Fraid not. Naru seldom does.’

‘How about you take them with you then?’ she raised an eyebrow. ‘After all, Hiro is your cousin.’

‘May-May, we both know that my lifestyle isn’t good for them.’

Curious, he followed their conversation. If Hiro was Hirako’s cousin, it did make sense that they resembled each other a bit. He had already found it weird that the boy was living with Mairenn, while it was obvious that Hirako was his family. At first, he had thought that Hirako was the boy’s father, but that didn’t seem to be the case. But now he wondered who’s child Hiro was, why his own parents didn’t look after the boy, what kind of life Hirako lead that made it impossible to take in the boy and whether her friend’s lifestyle was the only reason that Hiro didn’t live with his family.

His mind was filling up with questions and he hadn’t even begun to think about as to why Naru was living with Mairenn. He was dying to ask, especially since the subject was on the table, but he didn’t know whether it was appropriate to ask nor did he want to pry and so, he kept the questions to himself.

His curiosity must have shown, for she squeezed his arm a bit, sending him a warm smile. ‘Another time.’

He nodded at this, glad with her reaction. The subject would remain on the table, until she found it the right time to explain it to him. Which was fine. It meant that he didn’t need to bring up the subject himself, but that he could simply wait for her to bring it up again.

They passed the street on which he lived, a little too soon to his liking. Reluctant, he remained standing, unable to make up his mind. There was no need to walk her home, as Hirako was with them. But he wished that the road back home would have lead them away from his home, just so he could remain at their side, her side, a little longer.

A tug at his clothes made him look down, finding Naru pouting. ‘Zaru-nii, you’re going?’

He ruffled through her hair. ‘This man’s home is on this block and you’ve got Hirako-kun to bring you home.’

She didn’t reply. Instead, she kept pouting, her hand tightly holding his sleeve. Too tired to argue, yet too reluctant to leave his side. Her reluctance was endearing and it only made it harder for him to continue his road home. 

He crouched down in front of her, feeling Mairenn’s arm slip from his when he did. ‘Don’t look so sad, little miss. You’ll see this man soon enough and if not, you can always sent him a text. I’ll be sure to answer.’

She pouted still, but nodded. Then, without a word, she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding the bunny tight in one hand when she did. Though still not used to her signs of affection, he hugged her back. ‘Nighty night, Zaru-nii.’

‘Nighty night, little miss.’


	20. Not ready to admit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Hirako and Naru confront May-May about her feelings, each in their own way. But is she ready to admit them?

They waved him goodbye, before he turned and disappeared out of sight. Naru lingered for a moment, before taking her hand, letting herself being led away from the older man she adored so much.

The entire walk home, the little girl remained silent, pouting still, holding Hiro’s bunny tighter, as if she looked for comfort that only the stuffed animal was able to provide. She let her be, knowing how much Naru liked Koma and truth to be told, she was a little sad to see him go too. She had enjoyed his company, seeing a sight of him that was new to her. He had been like a child, wanting to try all the new things, with a gleam in his eyes that had made her want to see the world through his eyes, just for a while.

Once home, Hirako helped her put Hiro and Naru to bed, her friend smiling all the while. He’d had that smile for nearly the entire day and she wondered as to why. Sure, it had been a fun day, but the smile was slightly different from his usual one, making her wonder what was on his mind.

When she meant to leave Naru’s side, the girl took hold of her skirt, her eyes finding hers in the dim light that came from the hallway. ‘Why doesn’t Zaru-nii stay over?’

An innocent question and innocently meant, yet the question made her heart quicken. She felt her face flush and hoped that Naru wouldn’t see it in the dark. ‘Because Koma has his own home and bed.’

‘But Hirako-nii does stay over sometimes. Why not Zaru-nii?’

There were so many reasons as to why not, yet the girl was too young to know. How could she explain to a six year old that Koma couldn’t stay over, simply because he was an adult male and she couldn’t simply let him sleep on the couch, like Hirako? How could she explain to her, that Koma couldn’t stay over, simply because she’d feel self-conscious around him during the day and the mere thought of him staying over made her feel flustered? How could she explain that she couldn’t let Koma stay over, because she was terrified of how she’d react on his presence and that she may cross a boundary and dive into something that she wasn’t yet ready for?

‘Another time. For now, go to sleep.’

The girl remained silent. Then she let go, nuzzling further underneath her blanket.

Taking that as a sign that she could leave, she left the room, closing the door as quiet as she possibly could. Shaking her head, she entered the living room, finding Hirako pouring them both a cup of coffee. Grateful she took the cup that he handed to her, before sitting down on the couch. For a short while, it remained silent between them, both lost in thoughts, until Hirako asked, ‘Why didn’t you invite him over?’

‘Not you too.’

‘Why not? Have you seen the way you two looked at each other the entire day? How you looked to everyone else? Everything about out you two screamed that you’re into each other and if I didn’t know any better, I would have assumed that you two were a couple, especially after seeing you two together today.’ He shook his head. ‘He knows that you have two children, May-May. He likes them and they like him too. You like him, so what’s stopping you?’

‘I’m not ready to take that dive.’

‘Stop lying to yourself. It’s not fair for anyone. Not him. Not the kids. And not yourself.’

She fell silent, wondering if he was right, realizing that he probably was, but the fear remained. ‘I just…’ She sighed. ‘I don’t want to make the same mistake. It nearly cost me… everything. You. The kids. My job.’

‘He’s not _him_ , May-May.’ Hirako smiled at her. ‘Koma-kun isn’t like him at all. If he were, Naru wouldn’t be so taken with him, Hiro wouldn’t let him come close and you wouldn’t have let him in your life either.’

She answered his smile with one of her own, remembering how easily Naru had approached him, viewing him as someone that was part of their family so quickly. Even Hiro had let Koma get closer, in his own shy way. They asked about him whenever they couldn’t meet up with him, wanting him around. Naru kept sending him text messages, just to keep in touch and darting to Anteiku, the second her school was out, trying to find ways to keep Koma around for as long as possible.

‘I know.’

‘Then why keep him at bay, while you like him so much?’

‘Because I’m not ready to admit that I do.’ Shyly she averted her eyes from his gaze, staring into the cup. It was true. She liked him more than she dared to admit to anyone, even to herself.


	21. Asking for advise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koma invites his old friends for a friendly game of darts.

His Sunday was slow. There was no work, as he had another day off, and there were so very few things that he’d like to do. Finding himself with too much time on his hands and the need to see faces from people that he had known the longest, he contacted his old comrades, inviting them to play a few rounds of friendly darts at a place they visited often.

They were happy to meet up and soon enough, he found himself surrounded by people that he had known for years. To frustration of his old comrades, he won most rounds, if not all. It felt great to be around them again, to be able to be himself. They knew him, better than anyone and with them he could talk about her, about the children, his growing feelings, his doubt and his fear of letting her too close, with the risk of her finding out about him and his world.

It wasn’t like that they had an answer, but they understood his troubles, to a certain extent, and talking to them helped him organize his thoughts. They seemed thrilled with the idea of a woman who had caught their old leader’s fancy. They hadn’t met her, yet they played with the idea of meeting her, an idea he was trying to brush off, for the moment. For now, he meant to remain her friend, despite silently wishing for more. He didn’t know where they stood and he didn’t want to push anything. What they had at the moment, a friendship with subtle flirtations, with an indication that it may become more in the future, was fine.

His old comrades didn’t seem to agree. It was rare for a woman, any woman, to show interest in him and they wanted him to pursue her more directly. He didn’t agree, afraid that, if he did, he’s push her away. Despite their current relationship, there was still a wall to breach, on both sides. And no matter how much he wanted to pursue his interest, he didn’t want to push his luck, ruining what they had built.

In the end, they let the subject lie, focusing on darts, enjoying each other’s company, like old times. In the back of his mind, he found it almost a shame that he couldn’t bring himself to pick up his old ways and hunt some Doves, just for the mere thrill of it. Almost.


	22. Pigtails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koma has a little trouble with Naru's pigtail. More so with a sudden question. How to go about it?

His shift the next day started later than usual and this time, Naru was already there when he walked through the door. She let out a squeal of delight, calling out to him, as if she hadn’t seen him in days instead of two days prior. Jumping off her seat, she rushed over to him, grabbing his arm, beaming up at him with a bright smile.

‘Good to see you too, little miss,’ he greeted her, ruffling with his free hand through his hair, messing up her pigtail.

‘No! Zaru-nii, my pigtail!’ she cried, though the smile on her face never wavered. ‘Do it over!’

He laughed at this, shaking his head when they both sat down. He had no idea how to make a pigtail, but figured that it couldn’t be too hard, right? As he tried, Naru kept cooing with glee. When he got his finger stuck, her cooing turned into laughter and he had to tell her more than once to hold still. Cursing softly under his breath, he eventually managed to tie her hair into a pigtail. Looking at his handy work, he noticed that it wasn’t as great as when Mairenn had done so, but it would have to do.

Naru didn’t seem to care how her pigtail looked, as long as she had her pigtail. Giggling, she kept turning her head from one side to another, her pigtail swaying when she did. Slowly but surely, the hair tie didn’t hold and her pigtail fell apart again.

He sighed, doing it all over when she handed him her hair tie once more, wondering all the while what he had done. However Mairenn did it, it always stayed put, no matter how much Naru moved about. Yet his way seemed to unravel within seconds. Even when he was done, he was certain that Naru would ask him to do it over soon enough.

‘Don’t move around too much, little miss. This man isn’t that good with hair ties.’

She nodded at this, a little slower than usual. Glad that she understood, he went on with his work, with her sitting at the counter. Curious as to what she was doing, he glanced over her shoulder, before moving on to place an order at one of the tables. Homework, it seemed like. It was one of the few moments in which Naru could sit nearly completely still, though he was certain that she would bounce around the second that she was done.

For roughly an hour, he could attend to the costumers at a leisure, before Naru exclaimed loudly that she was done and started to bounce around once more. This time however, she announced that she wanted to help him with his orders. Meaning that she wanted to be the one to bring the coffee to them.

He groaned at this. A part of him didn’t have the heart to deny the little girl her wish. Especially not when she was beaming at him the way she did. But the other part of him didn’t want the girl to interfere more with his work than she already normally did. He didn’t want to be responsible for when things went wrong. Definitely not when the said girl would be bringing around hot coffee. There was no way that he wanted to risk that.

As if sensing his conflicted feelings, the girl pouted. ‘You don’t want my help, zaru-nii?’

He nearly winched at this, wishing that he had Mairenn’s abilities to pacify the girl without a problem. If only she was with them, then she could explain it to Naru. But Mairenn wasn’t at Anteiku. He needed to solve this problem on his own. The question remained, how was he going to go about it?


	23. A little help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naru gets her way and helps out at Anteiku.

He was saved. His problem solved like snow before the sun. Well, sort of. Naru did walk around with orders, just not hot drinks or beverages. She did, however, walk around with cold drinks and beverages and a cloth for whenever a table was dirty. It had been Uta’s idea, who had come in at just the right moment and had suggested the idea. He couldn’t thank his fellow ghoul enough. Now Naru had her wish and he didn’t have to worry about her injuring herself. His only concern was what Mairenn would think, if she saw the little girl slave away at the café. Well, slave away was a big statement but still…

Uta sat at his usual spot. His eyes following Naru with great interest. ‘She’s a good help, Koma-kun.’

He could only agree with this. Since she had started to help, she hadn’t uttered a word of complaint and listened carefully to his instructions. Which was both odd and pleasing to see. When he had asked as to why she had wanted to help out, her reaction had been, “’Cause it looked like fun.” Followed shortly by a, ‘If I help Zaru-nii, we can play sooner.” The last reason was adorable. Naru didn’t seem to understand that he had an eight hour shift, with or without her help, and that he couldn’t leave work any time sooner than that.

Naru did show curiosity towards Uta, who, in her eyes, was absolutely fascinating. Whenever she didn’t bring orders or try to get his attention, she went to other ghoul. She then would shamelessly asked him all sorts of questions in the innocent way only a child could do. She wanted to know about his tattoos or, as she called them, his drawings. She wanted to touch his hair, as she found his haircut funny. But what fascinated her most were his eyes and wanted to see them up close. She cooed in delight when the older male picked her up and set her on his lap. Immediately, she traced his tattoos, before focusing on his eyes, claiming that they were so very pretty.

Uta answered her questions calm, but vague, answering her questions with questions of his own. This confused the little girl a bit, yet it didn’t put her off and she kept trying to pry for answers that the said ghoul would never give.

He could only watch her with amusement. The girl was so harmless that he didn’t feel threatened by her prying, despite the fact that he should know better. One wrong word from him or Uta and their secret was out. Though Naru was a sweet girl, he doubted that she could keep a secret, especially not one such as they carried around. It felt like a shame that she’d never know the real him, figuring that she wouldn’t care.

Shaking his head, letting out a sigh when he did.

‘That’s a heavy sigh for someone who let’s someone else do his work.’

Turning his head, he saw the one person that he had been dying to see. He wanted to greet her properly, like he had always done. But the past few days he had thought too many times about his growing feelings for her and all the ‘what ifs’ that came with them. So instead of greeting her, he could only stare at her. Dumbfounded, as if he couldn’t believe that she was actually there, on the other side of the counter.


	24. Uta's casual comment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Uta runs his mouth and Naru makes it worse.

She hadn’t found Naru at their usual meeting place, realizing straight away that the girl had gone to Anteiku. Not feeling panicked, she casually made her way towards the café where she found herself far more often that she’d even thought she’d be. Once there, Hiro nearly ran up the stairs and he would have opened the door on his own, where it not for his little bit of courage that failed him to do just that. Smiling at him, she opened the door, letting him in ahead of her.

Once inside Anteiku, she saw just the moment where Naru jumped off from an older man’s lap and took a plate with sandwiches from the counter, to bring it carefully to a table. A normal person would have been alarmed by the sight, but she had seen the older male before and knew that he was acquainted with Koma. If Koma trusted him, then so could she.

Amused she followed Naru with her eyes, as the little girl put the order on the table, beaming brightly when the said costumer complimented her and thanked her for the service. The beaming girl noticed Hiro and squealed with delight upon seeing him. Leaving the children be, she went to greet Koma, hearing him sigh heavily. His back was turned to her when she said, ‘That’s a heavy sigh for someone who let’s someone else do his work.’

Her comment stirred him from whatever thoughts that had been occupying his mind. He turned, blinking, as if he hadn’t expected her to be there, right on the other end of the counter. He looked dumbfounded, utterly confused even. He opened his mouth to speak, yet no sound came from him.

‘That’s no way to greet the girl you fancy, Koma-kun,’ the other male said casually.

Hearing his words, she tried hard not to blush, yet feared that she failed to hide her reddening cheeks. Her only relief was that Koma’s face seemed to redden just as badly as her own. If he was at loss for words at first, it was worse after the other male’s comment. Koma didn’t even dare to look at her. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but at Anteiku. Not knowing how to make him comfortable again, she bit her lip, wishing for something, anything, to make the situation relaxed.

Naru picked that very moment to open that little mouth of hers and asked loudly throughout the entire café, ‘Zaru-nii likes onee-chan?’

Had it been any other moment, it may have been cute of her to ask, but Naru’s question only seemed to throw Koma even more off. Then, without a word uttered, he fled through the staff door.


	25. Becoming a bit closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She goes after him. How will Koma react?

He couldn’t believe that he had run away. That he had fled through the staff door like a coward. The Devil Ape was no coward. That man confronted all and everyone in his way without a second thought. Even the woman he fancied. But the man Koma Enji was no such person. That man was terrified of her finding out about both his feelings for her and about what he was. That man hadn’t been able to cope with the entire situation and had needed a breather, a moment to put himself back together, before he could head back into the café.

But that man lingered and the longer he lingered in the hallway, the harder it became to go back. He didn’t know how to face her. Especially not now. Not after what Uta had said. Nor after what Naru had asked throughout the entire café. He was already far too aware of her without their questions. Now he would be even more aware…

The door opened and closed. Looking up, he found Mairenn standing not so far off. She leaned against the door, a faint smile on her face. ‘Sorry. The man… uhm… Uta-san, said that it was okay. I know that I’m not supposed to be here, but… I just… I just wanted to make sure if you were alright.’

He gazed up at her, taking her in, feeling all his urges well up inside of him, but found himself unable to act. ‘No. I mean, yes. I’m… fine. I just…’ He sighed and scratched the back of his head. ‘Don’t listen to Uta-san. Please.’

She bit her lip. Whenever she did, it drew all his attention to her lips. It made her look so damned tempting. Now was no different, which made him nearly miss the words she spoke. ‘So… you don’t… fancy me then?’

‘T-that’s n-not… This man… I m-mean… I do… b-but…,’ he stammered, unable to get the words out that he wanted to say.

She moved from her spot and sat down on the floor next to him. Hugging her knees, she looked at him with that beautiful blush on her cheeks. ‘I… don’t understand.’

Having her sit so close made him all too aware of her presence, of her closeness, of her scent. He could lean in and touch her and all he had to do, was move a little bit her way. He swallowed hard, desperately trying to organize his thoughts before he went to clarify himself. ‘I mean… I do fancy you. I l-like you, a lot. B-but this man is afraid to lose what he already has with you, so…’

‘M-me too.’ Shyly she smiled at him. That beautiful shade of red on her cheeks only deepened. ‘I like you too, a lot. But I don’t want to ruin this between us. I’m not ready for that jump. Not yet. I might be, in a while, but it feels…’

‘…too soon,’ he finished for her. Relief washed over him. She felt the same. Their feelings were the same. Even where they stood at their current relationship. They both wanted it to evolve into something more, but neither of them was ready. Not yet.

He reached out and took one of her hands, squeezing it gently. Then he brought her hand to his lips and placed a kiss on her soft skin. Smiling he looked at her, finding her look quite flustered. Instantly he regretted his previous words. He wanted to take them all back and jump into the unknown with her, his past be damned. It took him all his self-control not to do just that.


	26. A change of weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mairenn regrets her previous words, but is unable to see Koma due to her work. Luckily, the weather is willing to help.

How she hated herself and her stupid words. Not ready, how could she not be ready? Why did she have to let _him_ still rule that part over her? Hirako was right. Koma wasn’t _him_. Koma would never hurt the children or her. She didn’t have to be afraid of that. He was always so considerate towards them, so sweet. There was no way that he would try to destroy their little make shift family.

Sighing, she stared at her computer screen. The document that she was working on seemed to mock her unproductivity. It had been over an hour, yet she found herself unable to work properly. All her thoughts went to Koma. It wasn’t anything new. He occupied her thoughts a lot of times, but now more than ever. Especially after he had kissed her hand ever so sweetly. And then that smile he had sent her right after, had made her want to take back all her words. If he had kissed her in that very moment, she hadn’t minded in the least. He hadn’t, leaving her only with a fantasy that she could play out in her head.

With another sigh, she let her head rest on her desk. Absentmindedly, she grabbed her phone, staring at her screen, finding not the messages that she had hoped to see. Biting her lip, she sent him a message. Just a simple one. Just to find an excuse to talk to him.

She didn’t need to wait long. Her heart leaped when she saw his reply. Sitting up, she replied right back. Her hands trembled when she did. Her work forgotten. All she wanted was to talk to him, to see him. She knew that, if she’d ask him, he’d come around as soon as he could. But she found herself unable to utter those words. The little voice in her head held her back still.

If only it hadn’t been for _him_. Then the little voice in her head wouldn’t hold her back. Then she could take the jump and dive into the unknown with him. If only…

As if her worries about Koma were heard, the weather changed for the worse. It felt as if autumn wanted to drive away the lovely summer weather and threw in all his might to change it. The sky went from clear blue to dark gray with a lot of rain. Her workload also increased and so she found herself one day, unable to pick Hiro and Naru from school, due to a deadline within an hour and she was nowhere near finished. She had called Hirako, but he was unable to help her out and knowing no one else to rely on, she contacted Koma.

She apologized to him, not wanting to bother him, yet knowing no one else. To her relief and joy, he wanted to, though he did need the address of their school. She give it to him without a second thought, thanking him again. When he asked if she needed anything else, she shook her head. For dinner, she had everything already. All she needed was someone to pick up the children, since Naru knew that he wouldn’t work today and therefor wouldn’t want to go to Anteiku.

When she hung up, she stared at her phone. Her heart raced in her chest. She hadn’t been able to make up her mind about him, yet the weather had done so for her. The rain would bring him to her, in her apartment, despite the fact that she hadn’t seen him for nearly a week. And oh, how she missed him. Maybe, maybe today she’d find the courage and ask him to stay, to allow him further into her life. Maybe then that annoying, little voice would shut up and realize that Koma wouldn’t hurt them. Maybe…

She shook her head. There was no time to think about him. She had already wasted precious time doing just that these past few days. If she wanted to get her work done, she had to focus and make sure that she was finished before they came home.


	27. Changing his name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koma picks up the children and gets to hear a small change in his name.

He never minded the rain much. Back when he had practically lived on the streets, the rain had been part of his daily life. Challenging Doves in the rain had made the fighting more thrilling. Humans had so much trouble maneuvering through the dark, their sight less clear. They had struggled, both due to the rain and his strength. He had loved it, every moment, every second. Especially that moment when they realized that their life was forfeit. Even the toughest Dove had pleaded and begged him to spare his life right until the end. Pathetic.

Realizing his own train of thoughts, he quickly shook his head. This was no time to think about his past and certainly not to relish in the crimes he had committed. He should think about something else, something more… pleasant. Immediately his thoughts went to her. He hadn’t seen her for about a week, not after… She had contacted him more than once, but…

He sighed. Though he had jumped at the opportunity to see both the children and her again, he didn’t know how to face her. Not after what had happened. Not after he had acted like a bloody coward the first moment and had kissed her hand without a second thought a moment later. What must she think of him?

‘Zaru-nii!’ Naru’s happy voice greeted him before he had even seen the girl. She came running towards him, uncaring about the rain, hugging him with a squeal of delight. ‘You’re picking us up?’

He nodded. ‘Your sister couldn’t make it. This man is here to take you home.’

At that she squealed again. Then she spotted Hiro. Waving, she bolted to get the younger boy. Even from a distance, he could hear her explain excitedly to Hiro as to why he was there. The little boy gazed at him, before he took hold of his sleeve, clinging to him, like he did with Mairenn. Naru grabbed his hand on the other side, smiling broadly.

They made to leave, before they were stopped by an unfamiliar woman, who looked quite worried. ‘Excuse me, sir, but where are you going with those children? I don’t recall seeing you here before.’

He never got the chance to answer, as Naru beat him to it. ‘He’s our daddy! Mommy is working, so daddy is picking us up.’

The woman blinked. Then a soft, gentle smile appeared on her face. ‘Then he’s the one you’ve been talking about.’

Naru nodded. ‘Daddy works at a café. I go there most days. But not today. Daddy has a day off and mommy is working.’ She looked at the woman and back at him. ‘Mommy wants to see daddy too, so we go now.’

‘I understand. Have a safe trip. Tell your mommy I said hi.’

Naru nodded, before nearly dragging both Hiro and him out of the door.


	28. A little step forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koma brings the children home. Problem is, all three of them are soaked to the bone. Will he leave for his own place or will he stay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enji and Mairenn sometimes give me a headache. Make up your mind! *sighs* I don't know if they make any sense in this chapter at all. Do me a favor and just roll with it. At least they move forward... a little. Sort of...

When they got to the apartment, all three of them were soaked to the bone and shivering. Naru opened the door, exclaiming happily that they had arrived. Immediately, the scent of food greeted him, followed by Mairenn, who fussed over them the second she saw the state that they were in.

‘I was afraid of this. Naru, Hiro, I drew a bath. There’s clean clothes too. Go. When you’re done, we can have dinner.’ Both children nodded. Hiro went straight away, but Naru lingered. Her bright expression had dropped just a bit.

‘Is Zaru-nii still here when we come back?’

‘I will. Go warm up, little miss.’ At that, she smiled brightly again, following her little brother to the bath. When she was gone, he shivered and sneezed.

‘You can take a bath when they’re done. Hirako has some clothes here, in case he stays over. You can borrow those, if you want.’

‘Gladly.’ He smiled at her. ‘And some coffee, is this man may be so bolt.’

She chuckled at that. ‘He may. Dinner also?’

‘No, I… already ate. But I don’t mind sitting at the table, if you’ll have me.’

‘Love to.’ Her words came out as nearly a whisper and for a split second, they just stared at each other, both lost in their own thoughts. He didn’t dare to move, afraid to ruin the moment, but he was so glad to see her. He was glad that they could talk normally, despite his earlier behavior. Despite her knowing how he felt about her.

He blushed, remembering how Naru had called him in front of the unfamiliar woman. When he told Mairenn this, she too blushed. However, she did explain that the woman in question was Naru’s teacher and that both Naru and Hiro always called her ‘mommy’ at school. It was easier that way for the children. That way, they didn’t need to explain to the other children where their real mother was. Considering that she wasn’t the only single mother at school, the questions about their father were out of the window as well.

‘But as it turns out… she has been calling you ‘daddy’ at school. If you mind, I’ll tell her not to. It’s just that… she adores you so much.’ She bit her lip, like she seemed to do more often. She really needed to stop that. It was too tempting.

‘I don’t mind but…’ He scratched the back of his head. ‘… isn’t it weird when she calls me that and we’re not… you know.’ He shivered again and this time not just because he was cold. He was walking on thin ice, with every risk of falling in. One wrong move, the ice would break and he’d drown. He took a deep breath, stammering on, not knowing how to stop. ‘It’s not that this man doesn’t want… You know I… But we agreed to… sort of.’

‘I know!’ she snapped, making him wonder what he had said wrong. She looked shocked too and mumbled an apology. In a softer voice, she went on. ‘I just wish that… we didn’t agree on it. I’m terrified of ruining this.’ She gestured to both of them. ‘But… I’m also terrified that by waiting, I might lose you. I don’t… I can’t… I want to…’

‘…take that jump?’ he asked, hoping that he understood her right.

She smiled at him, shyly, inviting even.

He took a step forward, wanting to reach out, to touch her. The small gap between them was bridged so easily. He let his eyes dart over her face. He tilted his head, wondering if he could…

‘Zaru-nii! Bath is ready!’ 

Quickly, he took a small step back, before answering the little girl that he would take bath right away. It earned him a, ‘hurry, hurry!’. And he did, wanting to warm up, though on the inside he was burning. He passed Mairenn, but not before brushing over her hand with his own when he did.


End file.
